Three months ago, it was August. It was summer. It was the start of a new time in my life.
It was the month I decided to double major. The month where I started to learn how to do something with my life. The month I started this crazy semester. The month where the change started.
Three months ago isn’t that long, but my life is in such a different spot than I thought it would be. Ever since I was in fifth grade, I wanted to be a writer. And now, for the first time, I haven’t written anything for a long time. No short stories. No working on any previous larger projects. No writing anything new.
For the first time, I stopped reading. Now, I read a LOT for school. I was even reading novels for school, since I’m in adolescent literature. But I didn’t go to the library. The books on my to-read shelf were unread. There was no reading just for pleasure anymore.
Everything has been homework. I have had so much to do all the time. I have learned. I have gone from coming into my classes and barely understanding anything to being able to be distracted for half a class and still know what people are talking about.
I have gone from being nervous to comment in classes to being able to speak freely. I can speak to my professors, and I’m not afraid. I can talk to people in my classes, and I’m not afraid.
I can smile. Even if a day isn’t going completely my way, for the first time in my life I can actually control how I feel and I can find happiness.
Good things and bad things. I’m not perfect. I still have a lot of things I need to work on.
But it’s still amazing what a few months can do to you, and how differently they can make you feel.
I finished reading The King of Attolia today for the second time. It was the first book I’ve read since August for pure enjoyment, on my own time. Whenever I go through reading slumps, I like to go back to my favorite books. And this book is definately one of my favorites.
I like Queen better, I’ve decided. Yet this one still calls to me. It brings a moment of needed escape.
I have been stressed out. I have felt tired. I have felt alone, too. I haven’t had time for people sometimes.
I’ve felt happier. More blessed. More like myself in some ways too.
Things have happened to me that I can’t explain and I can’t fully figure out.
And for the most part, I act the same. I go through life the same. Even though I had stopped reading, I go back to the same books, and I still love them.
Thinking about what used to be is really just a way to understand Today a little bit better. It’s being able to see how in a few months, a few years, you have changed.