I don’t think I enjoy the moment enough. But there are times when I really do. When I’m outside playing with my family, for example.
Outside is a good place to be because that means I can’t be distracted by my computer. I am distracted too often–but I’m working on it and getting better. And then I get worse. And then I get better again. That’s life. These two people make me happy. They are the reason I live in Nevada right now–and they are the reason I wake up every morning. Quite literally, because I wake up to my daughter calling me to get her out of her crib.
There are so many small moments in life that make it worth living:
- MM picking up pieces of asphalt on our walk and thinking they were really cool.
- Putting socks on MM while she’s asleep so her feet don’t get cold.
- Watching MM try to do my yoga moves with me.
- Reading stories with MM on my lap.
- Talking with my husband Dillon about life and nothing for hours and hours until we get so tired our conversation doesn’t make sense anymore.
- Throwing a giggling toddler into the air, again, even when I’m exhausted.
- Feeling the baby inside me decide to have a dance party right under my ribs.
- Having MM help with the dishes. Without asking, she brought me the dustpan and also wiped off a dirty pan and showed me how she had gotten it clean (it still needed some more scrubbing, though).
Selflessness really is the key to happiness. When we are worried about ourselves, we become miserable. And when we are worried about others, we find joy. Motherhood is hard because it requires a degree of selflessness that I still haven’t mastered. But it also brings so much joy.