I am going to just randomly write whatever I feel like right now.
I love my son. But he has been clingy lately. He loves his mom very much. I left yesterday for about forty-five minutes. He cried the entire time. When I walked in the door, he was being held by his daddy and he looked at me and he started screaming with this pained look on his face. “Why did you leave me Mommy? That was a horrible thing to do. I need you all the time.” I held him and I couldn’t leave his sight for some time or he would start screaming again. He took some time to recover.
Why are there no pictures of me sleeping on the couch? Because I get the least amount of sleep of all the members of my family. But I probably require the least amount of sleep, so I guess that’s fair.
I have finished the Halloween costumes. Pictures will come later. When I actually take them and get them on my computer and get them edited.
I think I’m still trying to discover myself. I’ve made some progress in my life–like I’m more friendly and I think I focus on people instead of things better than I used to. I’m a bit more selfless. Overcame some fears (like talking on the telephone and talking to strangers). That sort of thing. But I still feel uncertain of who I am in so many ways, and I’m still a work in progress.
My time is most;y spent being a mother, but there are moments when I wonder about myself. Those moments are somewhat embarrassing and a little unsettling. Two examples: First, BB ended up falling out of his car seat, off of my porch, and onto the sand below and it was completely my fault (he was not hurt at all, just a little scared). I just didn’t realize that he could wiggle out of his car seat quite like that. I felt so horrible. I still feel horrible about it. Second, I thought MM had an infection or something because she was in a lot of pain and it turns out it was just diaper rash.
People always talk about how moms know best, but sometimes I really have no clue what I’m doing here.
I’m hoping some of you have felt the same way. Or maybe I’m the only one.