Heather · Inspiration

Trying to focus on the right things

My writing is on indefinite hiatus.

I’ve been sort of reexamining myself and realizing that I don’t want to be a writer right now–it’s too demanding. Yes, I could say that I can just do it for a hobby or not worry about publishing, but that doesn’t work for me. When I write a novel, I have to keep at it. I have to write nearly every day or else I lose my train of thought and I don’t know what I’m writing anymore and the novel doesn’t work quite right. It takes a really long time to get a novel written, and then the first draft is so terrible that I want to make it better. And when I’ve made it better (which takes longer than writing it in the first place), I want to share–because I’ve spent hundreds of hours on that thing, after all, and I want that time to be worth something.

When it comes down to it, I want to keep my house clean more than I want to write. I don’t want to make the sacrifices necessary to be successful at writing and for me, it’s not worth the hundreds of hours I pour into it unless I can be successful.

I’m not saying I’ll never write again. But I feel more at peace with my life right now as a mother of small children just being a mother and not worrying about much else. I have enough things to do.

I’ve sort of always wanted to be “successful”–such as really good at something. I’ve had my goals: publish books, get more people to read my blog, do public speaking, get a doctorate degree–things like that. But I’ve stopped wanting that. I’ve stopped needing to be better than average. I’ve stopped wanting the honors of men, I guess. I just want a happy home life. And a quiet life is a good life.

So I know I have about four people who read my blog very regularly and some people who stop in on on occasion, and I’m good with that. I’m good with never publishing a book in my life. I’m good with never writing novels again. Because my little family makes me happy and the small things in life are most important.

There you go. 005

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4 thoughts on “Trying to focus on the right things

  1. I’ve felt a lot the same about some things…I still like to have my own interests, but they do take a back seat to my family.

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  2. I am grateful that you were writing when I was, because your solidarity was so helpful for me. I’ll miss you, but I am glad that you are doing the right thing for you and your family. 🙂

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  3. To everything there is a time and a season. Life is long and has room for all possibilities. So maybe not right now but I bet your time will come, and if not that’s okay too. I was that way with finishing school, I felt like I just wasn’t good enough so I’d start back then it would get too crazy and I quit so I could concentrate on family. Funny thing is now I really could go back but I have zero desire to have someone else tell me what to learn, and it just doesn’t matter to me.

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  4. It’s an interesting phenomenon to see our goals and desires change given life and circumstances. I find it a motivating and interesting dimension to how we progress. I believe you are a successful mother, wife, daughter and friend in every sense of the word. Like your mom said, there is a time and season to everything. Our deepest desires do come true through our Savior and his infinite love for us and our success. Sometimes that means changing our goals to become more aligned with His. Great post!

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