I was very good at school. I don’t mean to boast at all, just to give you an idea of where I’m coming from. It wasn’t an extremely balanced way to live, particularly because I had to leave school eventually and do things like get a job. But then I was really good at my job after college.
But finally, I came into reality, which was motherhood. Motherhood, where I wasn’t really good at it anymore. My self-worth has crumbled at times because I no longer felt good at doing something. I just kept making mistakes. I wasn’t getting good grades or raises and I basically had no feedback except for crying children and being tired. My vision of myself needed major adjusting, and it’s still a work in progress.
Humility is, in part, relying on God, and realizing how much your gifts and abilities come from Him. It’s being grateful and not putting yourself first in life. It’s also being able to realize how much you have to learn.
There have been times when I loved doing what I was good at. That was fine. But I don’t think God always just wanted me to do what I was naturally good at–I was placed in a lot of situations did not play to my strengths. They were out of my comfort zone, they were hard, and I needed to do them anyway.
Like visiting people, which actually became a bit of a strength, but only through the help of God and after years and years of awkwardness. I remember when I was young and I visited strangers for the first time–I was scared, I was quiet, and I got out of there quickly. But I kept doing it anyway. I needed to do it, for myself and for the people I visited. And then really good experiences happened, like visiting an elderly couple who didn’t have any family around, or giving advice to a single mother in a difficult situation.
Being a mother has not really come naturally to me. And there have been really bad moments that have been learning experiences. And then really good moments too. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel good at it, but that’s not the point. The point is, when I rely on God, I’m able to do what He wants me to do.
What I am naturally good has not really equated what I need to do in life. But when I stop basing my self-worth on my own accomplishments and I instead just try to do God’s will, that’s when real happiness and peace come.
And that’s humility right there, for me.