(Trying to get four kids to smile at the same time sort of impossible.)
I sometimes think that this fourth baby will be my last baby. She may not be. But if she is, I don’t want to regret my time with her as a baby. I want to enjoy it and remember all the good moments. I want to be able to look beyond the hard times and remember to notice all the good things about having a baby.
I’m not that good with babies and they sometimes are exhausting and difficult. But they are also perfect and precious. Little E may cry, but she also makes little squeaks. She may have a hard time sleeping, but I get endless cuddles with her. I’m glad to be breastfeeding again; glad to have a little person that relies on me and that is always right there.
The first baby, I was a bit overwhelmed and trying to figure it all out. My second baby was difficult because I was in a bad place emotionally and he screamed a lot–we were both sort of screaming a lot at the time. The third baby my life was very chaotic because we moved and lots of other stuff happened.
So this baby, I’m stable. And I can enjoy her. And I’m loving it, or at least really trying to savor all those good moments and remember that this doesn’t last very long.
Because babies grow up in just a few months. All the difficulties go away. And I want to savor what I have right now.